Dear Mia: Part 13

Mia, you are almost 29 months old now, and I have been writing, rewriting and editing this post for probably the past 3 months. Things change so fast lately. You are so BIG all of a sudden. You are a person with complex emotions and long legs and complete thoughts.

 I wrote this 2 or 3 months ago (I was feeling like we were careening into a possibly dark place):
"This age is so hard for me, so so hard. I'm just going to go ahead and admit that I am not a patient person (but you already knew that), and every waking moment you are testing what tiny shred of patience I have. You scream at me, talk back, and throw fits at the drop of a hat. Your mood is volatile at best. I'm sure most if this is completely normal toddler behavior, but some nights I go to bed certain that I have completely screwed up as a mom.

Naps are hit or miss these days. I'm terrified of what this means when the baby comes and I need to rest, but so many things can change in the next 2 months, I'm trying not to feel too in despair."

But just a few months later and I feel like things are so EASY right now. You play independently so that I can get things done around the house. You follow directions pretty well. You are funny and sweet and brilliant. We are in a groove with eating and sleeping (not that either of those things are in an ideal place, but I am accepting where we are). And in just a few months your baby sister will be here to throw us all into a tailspin again. I try not to be to scared about that, I am trying to just revel in how every day lately has it's own rhythm that we manage to ride out without too much catastrophe. Yes, you are difficult and strong willed and throw tantrums (you are 2 after all, it's not all rainbows and sunshine over here), but you are my little side kick right now, and I just want to cherish every moment alone with you cuddled up to my giant belly sucking your thumb and stroking my arm.

Sometimes (okay, about a hundred times a day) I am completely caught off guard and left breathless by how beautiful you are. And I say this knowing that I love you more than anyone in the world, but hoping that you know I'm trying to be subjective. You are just gorgeous in such a pure, round-faced, rosy-cheeked way. I notice it and attempt to capture it in a picture and it simply does not translate, so I stare harder trying to burn the image of you at this very moment into my brain, because you are walking, breathing beauty.

We went to West Virginia for a wedding a few months ago where you got to meet a lot of my extended family you had never seen before. You charmed the pants off of everyone there. My aunt sent me an email a few weeks later going on and on about how smart and sweet you are.

You still love pretend games. You also make up imaginary friends often to play with. Usually it's a friend named Goofy playing chase with you, sometimes it's an imaginary monkey you push in the swing in the backyard. Sometimes you pick up rocks or wood chips on the playground and then push them in the swing or down the slide like they are playmates. You talk to your food and sometimes make your hands fight over a toy or a snack.

You seem to be getting excited about the idea of your baby sister. You lift my shirt and command me to "open up baby sister." You give me/her check ups with your doctor kit and bend over my belly button shouting, "Hello baby sistah!" You tell me how when she comes out you will hold her and feed her and her first word will be "Mia." I just can't wait to see the two of you grow up together. I can't wait for us to be a complete family.

You have begun to exhibit fears about a lot of things. Sometimes you are scared of the bathtub, sometimes it is a character on a TV show. You are often scared of strange men or boys. Whenever we talk about having a new experience or going to a new place you have to talk yourself into by saying, "It will not be scary. Mommy will be right here." Of course a healthy fear in life is necessary to not get yourself into dangerous situations, but I attempt to walk a fine line of not encouraging it too much. You are still quite fearless when it comes to climbing and playgrounds and water.

We moved you into your new big girl room with a real twin bed a few nights ago. You were (and still are) so very excited about your new room and new bed. You tell me several times a day, "I love my new room!" And your room makes me so happy now too because you love it so much. The transition was painless. I'm always so nervous to change any of your sleeping habits, but you've proven to be far more flexible than I ever expected.

At the moment I am attempting you potty train you. You seem to do best with just being thrown into things. You're not so good with slow transitions, so I thought that was the way to go. I didn't think about how hard it would be on ME though. It's frustrating to have someone peeing all over your house for days with no end in sight, but I'm trying not to show you my frustration and to be encouraging when you go on the potty. I think you are ready, it's just taking longer than I had hoped. 

Almost everything that comes out if your mouth lately makes me laugh. You try to skirt around being told no by answering, sweetly with "But we will see," or "But you can try!" You say "yessiree!" and "Aw, shucks" when I kiss you. On the flip side you snap at me "Don't talk to me that way," and "Stop bossing me!"

You call lemonade "lemomade" (which is made from "lemomens"). You call toilet paper simply "toe-let," and I've begged your dad not to correct you. Flowers are "flah-lers," and color is "clah-ler." You pronounce triangle "twi-ninnal." You still don't pronounce Ks, Rs or hard Gs.

You were such a healthy baby, but since February you have had a stomach bug (which you very kindly shared with your parents), bronchitis, ringworm, and most recently a urinary tract infection. You had a high fever for nearly a week, and your dad and I did not sleep due to our worry about you. I can't even imagine what it must be like for parents with children with life threatening illnesses. I want nothing else in this life than for my loved ones to be healthy and for my babies to outlive me.

Oh Mia Jane, every day you exceed my wildest expectations of what it would be to be a mom and to love a little one. I still look at you and can't believe you're mine, that you came from me. I am so beyond excited about what the next few months holds for our family. 

Favorite TV show: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Favorite movie: The Tigger Movie

Favorite books: Mo Willems Elephant & Piggie books and Anna Dewdney Llama Llama books

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite food: Fruit, granola, ice cream