On Having One's Head up One's Own Ass

Forgive me for being crass, but is anyone else's husband's head lodged up their own rectum like mine is?

The other night he came home from work late where I was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine watching House Hunters. It was the last part of the show where they reveal which house the people chose, and there's really no point in watching the show unless you get to see those last 4 minutes. Jeff sits down and says, "Is there anything to watch? Anything DVRed? Was there a new episode of -" Um, I am sitting here actively WATCHING something. THIS is what's on. Just because you worked late doesn't mean I sit here in silence with the TV off waiting for you to come home to begin having any fun.

Then later I got in bed while he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, washing his face, resolving the national debt (I don't know what he does in there for so long). He comes in to the bedroom where I've got the covers pulled up to my head. I yawn and say "I'm so tired," when he decides now would be a good time to launch into a story about work. One of those stories where he has to explain each character and each technical term he's using "You know, Dave? The one I told you about yesterday with the thing and the stuff. You know! Dave! He's tall and -". No, I don't know Dave, and unless Dave has just died and left his millions to you, this story can wait until tomorrow. I'm going to sleep. He said "well, your light was on." Yes, I left the light on so that you wouldn't have to blindly stumble to bed in the dark. Wasn't that nice of me?

Why do men seem to have such a hard time reading pretty blatant social clues sometimes? I remember thinking that all the time in college. When a guy would like me and I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings, so I'd just ignore him (uh, because THAT never hurts anyone's feelings), but he would just KEEP at it... But come to think of it, I kind of did that with Jeff, and look where that got him, so this point is clearly going nowhere.

But then I remembered why I put up with it this morning while watching the news about someone who was trapped in an elevator for 41 hours.

Me: 41 hours?!??

Him: That's like your dream come true. You'd come out of there after 41 hours the most well-rested woman in the world. People would be asking "How did you stay in there for 41 hours?" and you'd say "How did you stay out HERE for 41 hours?"

Me: True. I'd probably be passed out in the floor after 5 minutes.

He knows me too well. Sometimes solitary confinement sounds like heaven.

28

This guy turns 28 today.


27 has always been his lucky number. He declared that 27 would be his year.

On his birthday last year he won $300 on a lottery ticket from his parents.

I would say that's a good start.

Between December 7, 2010 and today he finished his master's degree, had his first child, and started a new job with a significant increase in pay. This year he got a new car, two new bikes and won several bike races. I don't know that it can get more monumental than that. I mean, having Mia was enough to make this the best year of MY life, forget all the other stuff.

Hopefully it's not all downhill from here!


Happy birthday to the most patient, hardworking, handsome guy I know and the only guy who will put up with my shit. May 28 be just as awesome as 27!

6 Years

7 years ago a few days after Valentine's Day I was a college senior working in my studio space on campus. I overheard 2 girls talking about what their boyfriend's did for them for Valentine's Day. (I personally, had had an comically awful Valentine's Day consisting of eating KFC with my roommate after a disastrous double date ended early.) I was listening in on their conversation for lack of anything else to listen to, and also out of curiosity. I didn't know either of the girls other than in passing but found them slightly snobby. I am most curious by that which repels me.

The details are irrelevant, but a few months later I was at a diner with some friends. I saw one of the girls there with what I assumed was her boyfriend. I recalled the conversation from the studio and was curious to put a face to the story. He was apparently unimpressive at the time because when I formally met him several months later I didn't remember him until he told me about his girlfriend.

We met in the kitchen of the house I was living in at the time with 4 guys I barely knew. He came over to study and promptly dumped his girlfriend. I took a little more convincing. But I am so glad he took the time.

4 days before Valentine's Day 6 years ago he kissed me, and we've been inseparable ever since.

If you could have tapped me on the shoulder in that diner 7 years ago and told me how this would all unfold between me and the strange boy in the booth across the room I would have had you committed.

But I am thrilled it did.

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011 (okay, it's really 2010, but I don't have any pictures of us together in 2011 yet)